I’ve been very quiet of late on my blog and on social media and it’s an affect of losing my mother a few months ago when she passed away peacefully in hospital. She was 88 years old and she was ready to leave this world, so there was little trauma attached to letting her go. I felt privileged to have been there with her in her final moments.
Although I felt sadness and the wave of grief that is known to me through other losses, I also felt a calm equilibrium underneath it. I had this overwhelming urge to go inward. As a naturally outgoing and expressive individual, I saw all of my communicating tendencies left me. I stopped my daily journalling, stopped engaging on social media and stopped maintaining this blog, which is such an important part of my life.
Part of the reason was workload, as I have had a particularly busy few months with my current client, but I knew that was not the whole reason. I just needed to go deeper into myself to see what this change signified for me.
Last weekend, whilst in America, I went to the Silent Stay Retreat Centre in the hills of California about an hour from San Francisco. Bruce Davis, the founder of the centre, led twice daily meditations that encouraged us to find our heart within our heart; a deep reflection into the centre of ourselves. It struck me how the silent retreat reflected the silence in my own grief. I realised what a positive and nurturing gift I was giving to myself, in allowing myself to go inwards and nurture my heart. As a result of this time of deep reflection, I feel that I am emerging stronger, clearer and kinder. I have realised that resisting the urge to always be communicating and explaining oneself is a healthy and natural thing to do. Taking time away from the clamour of the world allows us to understand our own needs and wants, and through that to respond more effectively to the needs of others.
So if you feel the need for deeper reflection and more silence in your life, see what ways you can create that space and ritual. Perhaps getting up earlier in the morning and taking a half hour or an hour to observe yourself whilst you sit, meditate or simply allow yourself to go quiet both inward and outward.
If you are finding your urge to communicate through social media is reducing, follow your instinct and take some time away to simply be, without the need to explain yourself or get involved with the events of people around you.
Finally, use the urge to be silent to observe your thoughts more clearly. Notice how random and unhelpful they can be at times and simply let them pass without further word or energy going into them. Allow your inner silence to guide your day rather than the chatter of the restless mind.